Surviving Rona

When Your BFF is Your Biggest Hater

Most people have their own life-changing COVID-19 story and I am one of them...Last year, during the tumultuous 2020, I had to evict a tenant that was previously a close friend I had treated as if she was a sister. What made such a good friendship go so far to the left? There are multiple reasons why friendships fall apart; however, the reason for my situation is a pervasive one. It has been assigned its own demon that infects the human heart/mind.  It often goes undetected for a long time, simmering and festering in a well hidden place, until just the right situation brings that ugly monster to the surface. As we all know COVID-19, aka “the Rona” is having a devastating impact on the lives of people all over the world. It impacts every area of our lives from health to finances, and yes, relationships. As horrible as COVID-19 was and still is, it served as a blessing for me in disguise…It purged a demon of seething jealousy to the surface and allowed me to see a person’s true colors.

I am about to share a personal experience with you that many have experienced. It is a problem in the community, the society, and the entire world. It is a spiritual illness that is expressed as a social problem and runs rampant cross-culturally. I am speaking of my experience, my observations, and what has occurred on my journey. The purpose of this message is to awaken people. I am here to speak the truth and open a few eyes and hearts of those who are willing to listen. Regardless of which side of the fence you are on (protagonist vs. antagonist), this is a topic that needs honest discussion leading to positive change and healing.

If you are fortunate enough to have a BFF or a circle of friends that sincerely and genuinely love you, have your best interest at heart with ride or die loyalty, then, you are extremely blessed and favored. Be grateful and humble. True friendship is more valuable than the most expensive jewels on the planet. Why? True friendship, just like true romantic love, creates spiritual bonds that extend beyond this physical realm.

I once had a friend who was a middle-aged woman close to my age. It was a typical platonic sisterly friendship. I met her through family members at a holiday gathering several years ago. They knew her first or let me say they thought they knew her. I will call her Rona because the Rona pandemic laid the foundation for this entire drama to unfold. I discovered she was easy to talk to, bubbly, fun to hang around, and we shared similar interests and hobbies. Her only negative traits I detected were being a little pushy or aggressive when she wanted something and had certain peculiar habits, but overall that seemed harmless. I was in a notably better situation than her career-wise and financially. On the other hand, she constantly struggled in those areas leading to a never-ending series of hardships in her life. As a result, Rona always needed some type of help and I was usually there to bail her out or provide the resources that was needed…sounds familiar? I have never been one to count my acts of kindness tit for tat, but, it was a lopsided relationship with her receiving most of the benefits. I am an Empath so by nature I am a giver, selfless, and have compassion for others. In contrast, Rona was and likely still is a narcissist which makes her a highly selfish taker. They care nothing about the people they take from, but pretend to care so they can continue taking. One day, right before the winter holiday season 2019, she revealed to me a supposedly unsafe living condition she was forced to endure. Out of genuine concern, I suggested she stay in a vacant room in my home. I told Rona she did not have to pay me rent, but give me whatever she could when she could. Can you imagine how many people enduring hardships would love to be given that opportunity? It would have been a dream coming true for a rational person. It was my sincere intention to provide my friend a chance to get back on her feet and become self-supporting once again…Unfortunately, that was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made in my entire life!! Oh Lawdy! What was I thinking! Sometimes, we can be too nice, too accommodating. I did not know at the time, she was a pathological narcissist who preyed off of empathetic people like me. Remember, everybody that gravitates toward you is not necessarily on your same frequency. Sometimes, the attraction is based on seeing you as prey. If that was not bad enough, she became envious of my status, although, it allowed me to help her. It is not that my status is so great, but, I was in a better position than her. 

The Jealous Narcissist is Incapable of Feeling Gratitude

Rona moved in right before Thanksgiving 2019. By New Years day, I knew I had made a huge mistake. She displayed even more negative qualities that were not obvious until she moved in. My home environment became awkward and tensed. She could be very overbearing and it felt like my space was being invaded. I initially tried not to show my disdain for her presence. I did not want to hurt her feelings. Shortly, after she moved in, she began making shady comments about my lifestyle and spending habits as if I was living too lavishly like a rock star. In comparison to her impoverished state, the life of any working-class citizen would appear lavish. She even complained to her family how often I ordered from Uber Eats and Amazon.com…LOL. “She gets a package delivered almost every day!” I heard her ranting on the phone to someone. The irony of it was every time I ordered food guess who also received a free meal? She was literally benefiting from my lifestyle while living rent-free. At the same time, being very ungrateful, judgmental, and looking for fault, in spite of my generosity. It was not her place to pass judgment on any aspect of my life no matter how I was living. Any rational person would have simply appreciated the help and tried to be as congenial as possible. When someone is jealous of another person, he or she is incapable of feeling gratitude towards them. It is a form of self-hate that he or she is projecting onto the object of their jealousy. No matter how much you do for them, no matter how good you are to them, he or she will still project hate towards you. You could literally save them and their children from drowning and they will still project hate. They are good at covering up this hate as long as they can manipulate you. Rona obviously became envious of a lifestyle she desired, but was unable to acquire at that point in her life. Her perception was based on comparisons. She was actually dissatisfied with herself as compared to what she observed. She hated herself and her own life and being around me only reminded her of specifically why she felt the hate. Rona, also being narcissistic, felt as if she should rightfully be the one on top. A full-blown enemy was under my roof! Friends do not have a competitive spirit toward one another. They do not view each other's positions as being on the top or the bottom, superior or inferior. Therefore, all the assistance I provided was viewed by her as obligatory or something I was supposed to do.

A narcissist feels entitled and superior to those they prey on and wants to have the upper-hand in everything. If they can’t have what they want they will either try to take it from you or drag you down so you will lose it. When I detected she was a hater, I said on multiple occasions in front of her, “Why should someone have the same things as someone else when they have not done the same things to achieve it???” I was directing the comment towards her although pretending to talk about others. Whether or not her neurotic brain realized it I don’t know. Rona, just as far too many others like her want the benefits of success without doing what it takes to get it. They want money and other resources to fall out the sky right into their pockets without doing anything to earn it. They want to get to the finish line without ever running the race.

The Alcoholic Narcissist

One of Rona’s many issues I did not previously know about was having a chronic drinking problem which I believed affected her brain function. She constantly forgot things, such as her keys, wallet, and cell phone. Consequently, she frequently opened up my home late at night, after dark, at times 2 am-3 am in the morning, searching for the items in her car, on the sidewalk, and in the yard. She would often forget to close and/or lock doors of the house endangering the safety of me and my family. Rona would constantly rearrange items in my home the way she liked them. I would come behind her and move them back and she would come right back and move them again. When I confronted her she argued that she preferred the way she arranged things, however, it was not her house! I caught her snooping around in my room once when she did not know I was in there. She even stole money from me, but initially, I was mentally unable to accept what she did so I attempted to rationalize what happened…It's called denial...We often do that when we choose to ignore red flags. I was thinking how could someone steal from a person who had already given them so much? She showed me who she really was and I chose not to believe it. It made our living arrangement difficult and we were clearly not compatible. I was frequently aggravated by something she did or said and would ventilate to family. I would ask them did they know Rona was like that? They always replied “no” and expressed they had no idea of the behavior I described to them. All I could do was pray she got and kept a job long enough to build up her money and get her own place. Even that was an issue because I found out she always quits or got fired from jobs, therefore, how could she accumulate any money to move out? Why would she even want to move out since I was so busy smiling not wanting to hurt her feelings? I gave her a false illusion that everything was okay, in spite of her behavior. I accept the blame for that. At that time, the full extent of my mistake was not completely revealed…Much worse was yet to come.

The Blow-Up

My agony of putting up with her difficult behavior continued until late March 2020. COVID-19 had just reared its ugly head and the country was going on lock-down. People were losing their jobs and fighting each other at the grocery store for toilet paper. Rona told me she was going to the store to see what she could find for the household. I gave her $50 and told her to get as many basic staples as she could, such as water, bread, toilet paper, canned goods, etc. She was drinking heavily at the time and fell into a drunken stupor waking up several hours later. By that time, it was much later in the day and I felt most of the things I wanted in the store would be sold out. I requested my money back from Rona. She abruptly jumped up and began walking all over the house repeating the same thing over and over, “What money? You didn’t give me any money.” I was right on her heels following her getting angrier and angrier, louder and louder. That was the straw that snapped the camel’s back! We proceeded to have an intense and heated argument! The narcissist actually tried to make me feel like I was wrong for requesting my money (gaslighting). All the financial help I had given Rona over the years and she had the audacity to try and steal money from me and flip the script to make me seem like I was being unreasonable. Nevertheless, she saw a side of me that was not smiling, grinning, and polite. She finally gave me back my money as if doing me a favor. I instinctively knew then and there our relationship would never be the same. I told a family member that I was going ask Rona to leave and I was informed that Rona had already stated she was planning to find another place to live. However, I wanted to make it official. In the state I live in a house guest automatically becomes a tenant after 30 days whether they are paying you or not. I typed up a notice to vacate letter and sent it via email while placing a hard copy under her door. She threw back the unopened hard copy onto the hallway floor. However, she responded to the email saying that I could not evict her because the governor just passed a law banning evictions. Unfortunately, she was correct…The COVID-19 pandemic set the stage for a living hell that I survived. According to the authorities I spoke with, unless she was trying to destroy the property or physically harm me or my family there was nothing I could do about it. We soon had another big argument and hurled more hurtful insults at each other. One thing she yelled that I thought was odd at the time was, “I am not going to leave your house! You are going to leave your own house!” The next day, I apologized for one of the things I said during the argument I deemed was excessively harsh. She made no apologies, but seemed to accept mine and went to her room with drink in hand.

The next morning, I was preparing breakfast for the household and getting a family member ready to attend an activity. One of the issues I had with Rona was trying to control my kitchen, yes, my kitchen. She was a bully often trying to use the kitchen to cook her foods at the same time I needed to use it. That was a major area of contention between us because she was in another woman’s house trying to dominate the kitchen. How narcissistic must you be to act like that? As I was working in the kitchen, she storms in holding some food/kitchen items and blocks me from the sink. Yes, blocks me. I yell at her to move several times, visibly getting more and more agitated. She consistently refused to move as if she was trying to provoke me to physically attack her. Well, I’m no fool...If someone wants you to physically attack them they probably have a weapon waiting for you or they are trying to get you arrested or both. Remember, she just told me I would be leaving my own house. I believe she was already planning to do something then. It was crystal clear at this point the narcissistic and scheming devil she truly was. She figured she would do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted and that I could not kick her out. I proceeded to call the police. By the time they arrived she was back in her room as if nothing ever happened. They confirmed unless she was committing a felony, endangering life or property, the only thing I could do was obtain a Peace Order.

The next couple of days Rona and I did not speak or communicate with each other. Suddenly, clear out of the blue, she starts talking to me as if nothing had ever happened. As an empath, I am very forgiving and tend not to hold grudges. I discussed the situation with the same family member to whom I usually ventilated my grievances. I had decided not to file the Peace Order and felt as if calling the police would be enough of a wake-up call for Rona. However, the family member strongly disagreed advising me not to trust Rona expressing what she did was extreme and could easily do again with a worse outcome. I agreed and went to the courthouse the next day and filed the Peace Order. Rona was served late that night by a state Marshal. She became so enraged that even the Marshal was taken aback. He tried to calm her down by telling her it was not a criminal charge, just a civil one. Typical narcissistic reaction, no matter how dysfunctional or abusive they act, if you retaliate, you become the villain and everything is your fault.

The Attack

The next morning, Rona left the house very early and was gone until the next day. Within 24 hours, I got a visit from Adult Protective Services (APS) informing me an investigation had been initiated on the care I was providing a family member living with me. I may be a lot of things, but an abuser is not one of them. Early the next morning, a state Marshal served me with a Peace Order filed by Rona. She fabricated a complete story of lies to both APS and the court. All she cared about was hurting me and was willing to commit perjury to do it. Filing a bogus Peace Order and making a false report to APS was not enough for her...Rona was crazy enough to call several people, including family members and tell them things I had told her confidentially; you know, all the personal stuff you tell a friend when you trust them? It was her goal to cause them to get angry with me, thus, removing my support system. It did not work. They actually laughed at her and collectively blocked her phone #. However, she tried to go there. Be careful who you trust. Be careful who you allow in your tribe. Be careful with who you share your secrets. A disloyal person will not hesitate to divulge your personal information when they are displeased with you. A narcissist is only loyal to self-promotion which always involves manipulation and control. Once they realize they cannot control you anymore, they try to discredit and/or destroy you. At this point, I was mentally exhausted and in disbelief. I honestly did not see all that coming. I did not feel any anger until later. At that moment, just completely horrified on how toxic she was and the level of hatred she had for me. If anything, I was angry at myself for not being able to detect all of her toxicity and allowing her to get so close. How could I and my family be such a poor judge of character? How could someone I treated so well, someone I treated as if she was my own sister opening up my home to her, someone who I stood by and supported during her numerous crises, do such evil nasty things towards me??? James 3:16  “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” 

Rona's Peace Order against me was clearly out of revenge without any validity. We were not allowed to speak to each other or communicate in any way, until the hearing, in spite of living under the same roof. Thus, a few ugly episodes of drama ensued with the police being called several times. At this point, the courthouses were closed except for the most urgent cases. A few months later they gave us a telephone hearing and we both agreed to be respectful toward one another until the Peace Orders expired at the end of the year. I believe Rona’s alcohol saturated brain believed that included the landlord/tenant situation…she was wrong. Meanwhile, APS closed the case realizing the report was unsubstantiated based on a bitter person with a vendetta, lying on someone to hurt them. Rona violated the Peace Order multiple times, including unlawfully videotaping and recording me, my family, and visitors without our consent. I attempted to press charges, as that being a criminal offense, but it was rejected. They explained due to the pandemic, although what she did was a violation, only charges for the most serious offenses would be pursued.

Once the courts opened back up, I filed for her eviction. She unknowingly made it quite easy for me by responding to the email…Gotcha! She moved out a few days before the actual event. A month prior to the eviction date, she had started talking friendly and actually joking with me as if everything was back to normal…I ignored her…One night, she tried to argue with me about use of my kitchen. She did not realize her eviction was being processed and probably thought that she could stay until the expiration of the Peace Order. I promptly informed her of the actual situation advising her not to worry about using my kitchen since she would soon be gone from the premises. Her face abruptly morphed into this crazed look! I could see the rage flickering in her eyes. For a brief moment, I thought I might have to pick up my cast iron skillet and defend myself! People like Rona, NEVER accept accountability for their wrongdoings. It is ALWAYS the other person’s fault. In her twisted mind, I was the perpetrator and she was the victim which justified all that anger.

 There is nothing new under the sun☀

Titus 1:16  "They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work." 2 Timothy 3:1-5  "But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people." None of the behaviors mentioned in those Bible verses are new, just more widespread and coming from unsuspected people and places. Be prepared…The Age of Aquarius, we are now living in, is going to reveal the true nature of many from all walks of life. It has already impacted me personally by revealing the true nature of Rona.

Let it Go

Oh, I forgot to mention, almost 3 months after she was to forced move out, she fabricated another bogus story full of lies trying to pursue criminal charges. The court rejected the case. The court officials obviously saw through what she was trying to do. However, it disturbed me to know she was still trying to come for me at a time when she should have been moving forward with her life. Rona was full of so much hatred and anger she could not discern when it was time to quit...let it go! It made me feel like I was in that final scene from the horror movie Carrie💀. I thought the horror was over and the sun was shining again, then suddenly, Rona’s hand thrusts out of the grave still trying to pull me down...yikes!

I am aware landlords across the country have stories of tenants from hell due to the impact of COVID-19. The purpose of the ban on evictions was to prevent unnecessary hardships, not to give people a means to torture their landlords. If it had not been for the governor banning evictions, I would not have known how much venom the snake had stored or how full her black heart was of envy. Rona began revealing her true colors as soon as she moved in, months before the pandemic. The ban on evictions gave her a way to sabotage me without breaking the law. As crazy as it sounds, she schemed to take over my household that she actually wished had been her own. It didn't work. I, nor do my family has any communications with her or knows anyone who knows her. Believe me, Rona did and said a lot more derogatory things than I have presented in this discussion. I have only included the most relevant information to support the topic. 

Time to Heal

In a nutshell, a person that was once as close as a sister mercilessly traumatized me and my family. This entire drama lasted from November 2019 to August 2020 with an extension for her unsuccessful attempt to start more trouble 3 months later. Throughout my ordeal, honestly, there were times I thought I was going to snap and end up doing something foolish. I contemplated doing things that were unscrupulous to resolve my situation. However, they were just fleeting thoughts that evaporated quickly. I was not about to throw my life away for someone who was so not worth it. Can you imagine having a person living with you against your will as they taunt you and your family? Can you imagine that same person using up your resources and running up your utility bills, but not paying a dime? 

There are many who have been betrayed by those they trusted under a wide variety of circumstances. The mental trauma often can make people become unforgiving, bitter, colder, less trusting, and withdraw from cultivating other relationships. Don’t let someone steal your joy. Refuse to let anyone deter you from reaching your maximum potential. Forgive them (but never forget). Learn the lessons (grow). Make whatever changes you need to avoid a repeat incident (protect). Move forward!!! Don't sit around marinating in anger and bitterness plotting a revenge. Don’t give the person that hurt you power to control your life. You already have been manipulated by them so why continue to let that happen? I learned some painful, yet invaluable lessons from this situation. I am still trying to reorganize my brain, heal, and recover. The psychological changes after a major betrayal can be compared to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), including severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, flashbacks, reluctance to trust, and a broad range of negative reactions. Loss of a friend or family, no matter what the reason, can bring about grieving as if someone has physically died accompanied by the same emotions. The healing process does not occur in a linear manner, but is usually all over the place with back and forth emotions. One day you may feel as if you have fully recovered and then something or someone triggers you to get angry or depressed all over again. It is normal to go back and forth with your emotions as long as you keep your focus on what is in front of you, not what you are leaving behind. One thing that is helping me is Isaiah 2:22  “Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?” My application of the Word allows me to love people, but recognize they have issues. Therefore, when they act out different ways, I don’t trip or let it devastate me. I still feel the pain, but I don’t let it dominate me. I know people are flawed so I don’t really expect much from them. When I come in contact with quality people, I view it as a bonus or a special gift. That is just my approach. Most importantly, I survived Rona…She did not destroy me, but only contributed to the fulfillment of my life's purpose making me stronger, wiser, and closer to my higher self.